Psychologist

Learning self-control is one of the most important parts of growing up, right? We’re always trying to teach our kids how important it is not to let their feelings get the best of them. A lot of the time, though, when we try to reinforce self-control, we’re actually missing an opportunity to teach something much more important: self-regulation.

Self-regulation can play an important role in relationships, well-being, and overall success in life. People who can manage their emotions and control their behavior are better able to manage stress, deal with conflict, and achieve their goals.

Gottfredson and Hirschi define self-control as the differential tendency of individuals to avoid criminal acts independent of the situations in which they find themselves. Individuals who lack self-control tend to be impulsive, insensitive, nonverbal, short- sighted, and quick to anger. Those with low self-control are likely to pursue risky behaviors without considering the potential long-term consequences of their actions. So what then is the differences between self-control and self-regulation. Emotion regulation is the ability to exert control over one’s own emotional state. It may involve behaviors such as rethinking a challenging situation to reduce anger or anxiety, hiding visible signs of sadness or fear, or focusing on reasons to feel happy or calm.

Self-control is all about inhibiting impulses and emotions; self-regulation focuses on reducing both the intensity and frequency of those impulses.

It is important to understand that children are not born with emotion regulation capabilities. An infant is biologically immature and is therefore physically incapable of soothing himself during times of upset. This is why a nurturing relationship with a caregiver is so important to the healthy emotional development of a child. As the child grows, he or she learns emotion regulation skills from parents and other important adults such as teachers or close relatives. For example, the child may be taught helpful ways to think about problems rather than become overwhelmed when facing an emotional challenge.

A traumatised parent who is unable to control their own emotions is unlikely to have the ability to help their child. In some cases, the traumatised parent may escalate the child’s distress with angry or fearful reactions to the child’s problems. In these cases, the child does not have the opportunity to learn valuable emotion regulation skills while growing up. It can also be associated with an experience of early psychological trauma, brain injury, or chronic maltreatment (such as child abuse, child neglect, or institutional neglect/abuse), and associated disorders such as reactive attachment disorder.

Emotional dysregulation refers to the inability of a person to control or regulate their emotional responses to provocative stimuli. It should be noted that all of us can become dysregulated when triggered.

Symptoms of Emotional Deregulation:

• Severe depression.
• Anxiety.
• High levels of shame and anger.
• Self-harm.
• Excessive substance use.
• High-risk sexual behaviors.
• Extreme perfectionism.
• Highly conflictual interpersonal relationships.
• Lying is really rooted in emotional dysregulation

The Difficulties lies in measuring emotion regulation when it comes to your personal responses. Following the measuring criteria’s to determine your ability to regulating your emotions: