Christel Maritz Blog - Page 12 of 30

On Being a Friend: Seeing Someone with Depression — and Seeing Myself

I am a friend. Therefore, these words are my own stories, opinions, impressions, and thoughts on having a friend with depression in this moment. They are not concrete or bible or forever — they are my truth right now. I am a friend. I think a damn good one.

That is all, but sometimes it is a lot.

As I think back, depression was always a part of our relationship. But at 18, 21, 24 we didn’t call it that. We didn’t know it was that. It was “caving” or “winter blues” or just, “I need a break”. And as fast as our friendship began and as strong as it was, it ended — a couple of times over again.

When we reconnected again as full-fledged adults, the “D” word was introduced. It was discussed, visible and fierce. There was no denying it and the impact it had on his relationships, his career — his life overall. It lived in him and therefore, it lived in our close friendship.

Let me preface by saying that I screwed up dozens, if not hundreds, of times. At first, I was unaware of the magnitude of this condition and the effect it has on relationships. There was a learning curve that smashed me in the face numerous times. But somewhere along the way I decided I was not going to let mental illness define or destroy this friendship.

I began to change my mindset and my ideas. I think of a yoga meditation, “Devote yourself to seeing, not being seen.” In hindsight that’s what I tried to do — see, really SEE what was going on for him. And now I realize that I have learned to see myself as well.

My approach and strategy for dealing with his depression took on various forms and there was definitely a progression and evolution over time. I decided to learn more about how those on the outside and from afar (mind you, I live hundreds of miles away) can help.

My initial thought is that talking about it is, and was, paramount. I remember countless text and phone conversations that were icky, but oh so real, about how being depressed really feels in the moment. He talks about it, and therefore, it gives me permission to talk about it too. Even when he can’t name it because he is too far in it, over time he has given me the language and the power to do it for him.

With that came the hard part: I challenged myself with listening. I listen to understand, empathize, problem-solve, validate and encourage. In that moment, I am there. And after, I am thinking, processing, and replaying it all over again, so I can be more cognizant of it next time.

Often I stop and ask myself: is this my real friend or is this the depressed version of my friend? I almost equate it to someone who drinks — while there’s certainly some truth in the words of a drunk, the tone and delivery are inevitably damaged and therefore, damaging. This was by no means easy to work through, especially at the beginning of the process. It doesn’t mean I ignore it and can move on instantly, but it has become a check that I issue after I am done processing the yuckiness.

Also, I educate myself, and I allow him (when not all in it) to educate me too. I read articles (metaphors comparing depression to regular things in life, like snowstorms, make the most sense to me), I watch videos (the Black Dog series was one of our favorites), I peruse blogs and follow mental health organizations. But most importantly, after I read/listen/watch/learn, I share it with him and ask, “So what do you think about this?” so I can gauge if it resonates with him as well. This learning is new and scary and so very personal in that it affects someone I’m close to. But that is why it is so important for me to do.

Lastly, I’ve learned to give space. Often he will say to me, “I’m sorry, but this is not about you,” and while it may feel like a rejection, it’s the truth. There are times when he needs to shut me down, and although I can get upset, I understand that talking is not always the best option. We can come back to it another time — or not, and that’s ok too.

I am not a perfect friend. And I will never truly understand what someone with depression deals with on a regular basis. But I’ve found from personal experience that by doing some of the strategies above to SEE what’s in front of me, we can work together to tackle this Black Dog one bark at a time.

*NOTE: I have had my friend’s permission, blessing and assistance with this piece from the beginning. He is fully aware I have written it and has read it in its entirety.

On Being a Friend: Seeing Someone with Depression — and Seeing Myself

Coping through life isn’t living life

BWRT® is probably unlike any other therapy you’ve encountered.If you need a coping meganism, BWRT® is the way forward. It doesn’t use hypnotherapy or NLP techniques, nor does it involve tapping or touching. It is therefore ideal for those people who feel uncomfortable with some elements of other therapeutic techniques.

BWRT® has proved successful with more than just obvious areas such as stopping smoking or stopping unwanted habits. They have also been shown to successfully treat physical issues as well.

What can BWRT® help with?

BWRT® can provide relief from a wide range of problems:

Irritable bowel Syndrome
Eczema
Psoriasis
Acne
Weight management
Insomnia
Migraines
Pain management
unwanted habits,
irrational phobias or fears
behavioural
emotional problems

In my practice as a Clinical Psychologist it is necessary to utilize a range of techniques to deal with different types of problems and disorders.

BWRT® has been designed to remove emotive responses from memories that are deeply troubling and to create new pathways that do not have the old emotional responses attached to it. BWRT® therapy extends the neural pathways so that the patient’s brain knows the new patterns to use in future. Every new experience creates a new pathway. In fact, immediately after the therapy is finished, the client no longer experience any negative response to the usual trigger for their presenting symptom, no matter how hard they try to.

I recommend BWRT® Therapy. Coping through life isn’t living life—it is coping which takes a lot of energy and focus. Energy and focus that could be spend on living the life you want, coping more effectively and being happy. If one prefers to use coping strategies rather than healing the root cause of the symptoms, BWRT® does the job.

Self-care for Mental Health!

Your mental health influences how you think, feel, and behave in daily life. It also affects your ability to cope with stress, overcome challenges, build relationships, and recover from life’s setbacks and hardships. Whether you’re looking to cope with a specific mental health problem, handle your emotions better, or simply to feel more positive and energetic, there are plenty of things you can do to take control of your mental health—starting today.

Anyone can suffer from mental or emotional health problems—and over a lifetime most of us will. This year alone, about one in five of us will suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder. Yet, despite how common mental health problems are, many of us make no effort to improve our situation.

Make social connection a priority

No matter how much time you devote to improving your mental and emotional health, you will still need the company of others to feel and be your best. Humans are social creatures with emotional needs for relationships and positive connections to others. We’re not meant to survive, let alone thrive, in isolation. Our social brains crave companionship—even when experience has made us shy and distrustful of others.

Find purpose and meaning in life

Everyone derives meaning and purpose in different ways that involve doing things that benefit others, as well as yourself. You may think of it as a way to feel needed, feel good about yourself, a purpose that drives you on, or simply a reason to get out of bed in the morning. In biological terms, finding meaning and purpose is essential to brain health as it can help generate new cells and create new neural pathways in the brain. It can also strengthen your immune system, alleviate pain, relieve stress, and keep you motivated to pursue the other steps to better mental and emotional health. However, you derive meaning and purpose in life, it’s important to do those things every day.

The relationship between resilience and mental health

Being mentally healthy doesn’t mean never going through bad times or experiencing emotional problems. We all go through disappointments, loss, and change. And while these are normal parts of life, they can still cause sadness, anxiety, and stress. But just as physically healthy people are better able to bounce back from illness or injury, people with strong mental health are better able to bounce back from adversity, trauma, and stress. This ability is called resilience.

People who are emotionally and mentally resilient have the tools for coping with difficult situations and maintaining a positive outlook. They remain focused, flexible, and productive in bad times as well as good. Their resilience also makes them less afraid of new things or an uncertain future. Even when they don’t immediately know how a problem will get resolved, they feel hope that a solution will eventually be found.

Source – https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/building-better-mental-health.htm

Negative Effects of Loneliness on Physical and Mental Health

The feeling of loneliness or being detached from others is not just a human emotion; it is a complex emotional response to the lack of companionship. Although, days pass by with tremendous speed forcing each one of us to run with it at its pace. But if we take a moment to stand and think about our relations and friendships, how many of us enjoy true companionship? It is said that one in every five persons is lonely and a majority of people don’t have anyone to talk to or spend time with, and this rate is increasing rapidly. Loneliness has increased with modernization, since people are engrossed in virtual social communities and networks and don’t have the urge to attend social gathering or stay in touch with family and friends. But, with time, loneliness and lack of companionship makes people vulnerable which affects physical and mental health to increases the chances of mental health disorders.

Research shows that loneliness is connected to genetics but there are several external factors that lead to loneliness and social isolation in certain individuals in whom it works as a major depressive disorder that can even lead to suicide.

Abused or Rejected by Others

Loneliness and depression are closely related. It is a sense of isolation that can develop in an individual who has been repeatedly rejected or abused by family or friends. Abuse can come from being made fun of, being abandoned by family or friends, being tortured with abusive language.

All of these come under the heading of psychological assault that can be one of the main reasons for depression and induce the individual to alienate himself from the society, thereby shutting out people who can harm him or help him.

Inability to Fit In

Certain physical disability or excessive introvert nature can promote an individual to think that he does not fit into his group or is a misfit in the rest of the crowd. Although, these individuals try to be like everyone else and mix with the crowd rather than standing out, but their inability to break the ice and cross the barrier prevents them from being part of the group.

The desire might not only be to fit in, but also to be well-liked and popular. Such conditions give rise to fillings of anxiety and depression.

Heart Break

For people who are excessively emotional and sensitive, a broken heart due to break up or divorce can have serious effects on mental health. The feeling of intense loneliness after a break up and the feelings of missing a loved one might be difficult for some people to handle.

For most people these feelings are short-lived and they cope with it effectively. But for some, the feeling can continue for years pushing them towards loneliness which can also cause mental diseases and psychiatric disorders.

Death and Divorce

Divorce or death of a spouse pushes the other one into the darkness of loneliness and depression. Although, online dating is extremely popular among divorcees, but in most cases these meetings are not serious and cannot make up for the emotional trauma and depression an individual suffers due to the lack of his/her long-time companion. Sending a private message, scrolling through the feeds aimlessly and liking someone else’s posts and updates make people feel miserable about themselves.

Social Media

With the advancement of social media, people have become more engrossed in virtual communities and online friendships and are becoming less interested in maintaining real life social ties with family members, friends and neighbours. But research shows that spending too much time on social networking sites can backfire and actually make people feel lonelier.

Aging

Depression is a common part of aging and reduced physical strength, mobility and diseases are sure to affect the mental health of elderly people. But with change and reform in the social structure of the modern society the value and importance of elders have become more obscure.

In traditional societies, the elders held a vital position of preserving and propagating community customs and history. But with modernization, the scenario has changed, pushing elder people into the zone of marginalized and rejected individuals both in families and neighbourhoods, making them lonely and miserable.

Negative Impact of Loneliness on Physical and Mental Health

Loneliness is hardly seen as a serious disorder, but in reality, chronic loneliness and feelings of alienation can be extremely detrimental to health. It can induce alcoholism, make a person suicidal and increase the risk of mental health disorders.

Loneliness can Affect the Brain Like Physical Pain

Loneliness is one of the major causes of mental diseases and the sense of isolation can have a similar effect on brain that is noted when an individual experiences physical pain. The sense of belonging to a group or community is important not only for companionship, but also for survival.

Source – https://www.thefitindian.com/negative-effects-of-loneliness-on-health/