How Trauma Sabotages Our Relationships
We all know the feeling of being “caught up in our emotions.” In moments of conflict or stress, we may lash out, withdraw, or repeat patterns that hurt those closest to us. At the time, it might not even feel like we are doing anything “so bad.” Instead, we justify our actions, believing that others simply don’t understand. But when this cycle repeats, we risk creating a destructive environment where we weaponise the care and concern of our loved ones.
This dynamic often stems from something deeper: unresolved trauma and the way it affects our brain.
The Limbic Brain: The Emotional Brain
The limbic brain (system) is the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions, survival instincts, and memories. Key structures like the amygdala and hippocampus regulate fear responses, emotional memories, and how safe or unsafe we feel in the world. When we experience trauma—whether in childhood or adulthood—this system can become overly sensitive.
Research has shown that when we are emotionally triggered, the limbic brain can “hijack” our responses (LeDoux, 2000). In this state, our frontal cortex—the rational, thinking brain—gets overridden. Instead of reflecting, reasoning, and engaging calmly, we react impulsively and defensively.
This is why in moments of emotional instability, we “can’t see the forest for the trees.” Our perspective narrows, self-awareness fades, and we struggle to separate the intensity of our feelings from reality.
Trauma, Self-Awareness, and Dysfunctional Cycles
When we operate primarily from the limbic brain, our behaviors often become reactive rather than intentional. Low self-awareness means we may not recognise that our actions are hurtful. Instead, we may focus only on how misunderstood we feel, justifying repeated dysfunctional patterns.
Over time, these cycles can sabotage our relationships. Loved ones may feel blamed, manipulated, or shut out—especially if their caring is turned against them. What starts as an attempt to cope with overwhelming emotions can create an atmosphere of tension and mistrust.
Healing requires stepping out of the limbic loop and reconnecting with the frontal cortex. This means cultivating awareness, reflection, and healthier ways of processing emotions.
Moving from Reaction to Reflection
The good news is that the brain is not fixed. Neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to change and rewire itself—means we can learn to regulate our emotions, calm the limbic system, and restore balance between the emotional and rational parts of the brain.
Therapeutic approaches such as trauma-focused therapy, mindfulness practices, and cognitive-behavioral techniques have been shown to help individuals gain access to their thinking brain even when emotions are intense (Siegel, 2012). By addressing unresolved trauma, we create space to step back, see the bigger picture, and respond rather than react.
A Call to Healing
If you recognise yourself trapped in the limbic brain—or if you see a loved one caught in them—it may be time to seek help. You don’t have to stay trapped in patters and cycles of emotional reactivity, nor do your relationships need to remain burdened by unhealed trauma.
With the right support, it is possible to restore clarity, strengthen self-awareness, and reconnect with those you love in healthier ways.
If this resonates with you or someone in your family, please reach out to me, Christel Maritz, Clinical Psychologist, to begin the journey toward healing and emotional balance. Therapy is not about blame—it’s about breaking free from the limbic brain hijack and reclaiming your thinking brain.
📞 Contact me today to take the first step toward change.
References
LeDoux, J. E. (2000). Emotion circuits in the brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 23(1), 155–184. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.neuro.23.1.155
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York: Viking.
Pessoa, L. (2008). On the relationship between emotion and cognition. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 9(2), 148–158. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn2317
